Last week was - indescribable. I felt like at least fifteen different people, all warring together to decide what exactly was going on.
On Tuesday I went to Starbucks with a friend from church to study. I had my second pumpkin latte of the season, which was all joy and delight. Did you know if you stay late you can get a free cake pop while they're cleaning up for the night? Salted Carmel - oh yum!
On Friday, I got yelled at. The entire week had been an utter work disaster, all revolving around one particular client going into a mental health institute and absolutely nobody in the universe wanting to take on responsibility for the client. On Friday, the client's guardian got ahold of me. Suffice to say, she does not like me. At all.
On Saturday, my friend from work took me to school, since it was football Saturday and there would be nowhere to park. I hate football Saturdays - I'm paying a bazillion dollars to go there, why can't I park regardless of a bunch of men running around throwing a ball at each other?!
My mother had read my paper for me, and sent me an updated copy - only when I went to print it, there was no attatchment. In the scramble to take care of that, I had no coffee or breakfast and only just made it out the door to be picked up.
I climbed in the car and my friend said, oh hey we went to the bakery on the way, would you like a doughnut? Oh and I bought you a cup of coffee.
I felt the smile of the Lord on me in that moment. I almost melted.
After school we went to Panera for lunch, and then to Target. It was a perfect day.
On Monday, my body developed a new symptom of my as-yet-undiagnosed disease, and began cramping in on itself quite severely, particularly my right arm. I spent the day in pain, and not able to do my job the way I would have liked. Same thing Tuesday.
However, Tuesday I went and got my hair all fixed up - trimmed, and for the first time ever, highlighted. Copper. The lady who did it shampooed my hair and spent probably ten minutes doing so, massaging all over and down into my neck muscles, in knots from the spasms. You guys, I thought I had turned to liquid.
Today I missed my dentist appointment entirely, thinking it was 9:40 instead of 9:20. I can barely look the lady behind the desk in the eye, and I had to reschedule which is just a pain.
Then I went to the eye doctor and they said the chemical interaction between my contacts and lens solution has damaged my eyes - I didn't even notice - and I have to wear glasses for a week and take antibiotic eye drops three times a day, then go back AGAIN for a prescription for new contacts.
There are some days that would have been better not being, in my humble opinion.
However, today I got to pretend I was a famous author, spending daytime hours tapping away at my novel and making the first substantial progress in two weeks. And, my mom and sister are coming for the weekend.
Strange, isn't it, how life so often brings us rather more than we can comprehend, things one after another and the good and bad mingled so closely together that we cannot celebrate without a tinge of pain, cannot mourn without an infusion of delight. I'm not entirely sure which way is up, today is one of those days where so much happens and has happened that the heart just weeps for confusion. But even in the weeping, I am aware of the glorious cool breeze and the charm of my flowers, and a peace that passes understanding. I guess that's what it is to be alive.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Revival, Maybe
The time may have come for revival. There are no guarantees, because I've thought that before and never come to anything. But there's so much going to be doing and happening around here that I think I could really use the connection to you lovely people to keep me going some days.
Here's a summary of what has and is happened and happening:
1) I am going to grad school - I start in just two weeks! Horrors. I have signed my life away, I will spend every single Saturday morning in class - well almost - for the next two years. I still don't know how I got into this.
2) Something is messed up in my brain. I've been having muscle spasms and severe tremors for almost two months now, and believe me, it's getting old. I had an MRI Monday, and should find out next week what's up.
3) I still work, and will continue to work, full time. I also should really start getting some volunteer hours in with children to start building my resume. I'm thinking Boys and Girls Club but I don't know yet. I'd really like to start a writing group for kids at the local library.
4) I have started to really write again. I've written approximately seven short stories in the last two months, and started two new novels. One I'm proud of, the other I'm not sure of yet. But that's a post for another day.
Anyways, the start of so many new things seems like a good time to start blogging again. We'll see how I do, but at least you know I thought of you :)
Here's a summary of what has and is happened and happening:
1) I am going to grad school - I start in just two weeks! Horrors. I have signed my life away, I will spend every single Saturday morning in class - well almost - for the next two years. I still don't know how I got into this.
2) Something is messed up in my brain. I've been having muscle spasms and severe tremors for almost two months now, and believe me, it's getting old. I had an MRI Monday, and should find out next week what's up.
3) I still work, and will continue to work, full time. I also should really start getting some volunteer hours in with children to start building my resume. I'm thinking Boys and Girls Club but I don't know yet. I'd really like to start a writing group for kids at the local library.
4) I have started to really write again. I've written approximately seven short stories in the last two months, and started two new novels. One I'm proud of, the other I'm not sure of yet. But that's a post for another day.
Anyways, the start of so many new things seems like a good time to start blogging again. We'll see how I do, but at least you know I thought of you :)
Thursday, April 26, 2012
13 Mysteries a Month
so, am I still a blogger if I apparently only post about once a month? I'm not so very sure.
Nevertheless, it's time for the monthly update I guess, in no order whatsoever including chronological:
Here's what's new from the last month that I can think of at the moment
1) I performed in 13 shows total. My picture was in the local paper :)
2)My sister was Beauty in Beauty and the Beast, and my heart melted into a pool at my feet watching her float across the stage, skirts swinging, in a waltz with a young man she cares deeply about. I suddenly had visions of future family gatherings that include men instead of all us yammering females, and couldn't help but picture the moment in a Someday Faraway that I might hold a little niece or nephew, or live next to a sister and raise my kids and hers together, or have family barbeques. I got goosebumps when she sang. I'm such a mess - how am I going to get through her graduation next month?!
3) My plumbing stopped working properly, so I had a giant hold in my front closet for several weeks. That was great.
4) I vacuumed. Twice. Notice how this implies that within the space of a month I cleaned at least twice. Be impressed.
5) I temporarily had a caseload of approximately 50. That is also why I averaged 90 hours a pay period this month - including one in which I had three days off.
6) I got my car fixed - 1200 dollars. Then, two days later, my check engine light came on. I am probably going to put a sticker over it and keep going.
7)I lost five pounds, making a total of 15. I fit into pants I hadn't worn for two years - and now all my dress pants sag something fierce. I've been wearing lots of dresses.
8) I burned an entire pan of sugar cookie dough. The prepackaged kind.
9)I read five books that I can think of off the top of my head.
10) I wrote a skit that my pastor wants to use in a church service.
11)The Walmart cashier that checked out my groceries said she wanted some of "whatever I was on." I spent the rest of the night vacillating between deep offense and dripping pity.
12) I started watching Once Upon a Time. And then promptly forgot to watch it three weeks in a row and became hopelessly lost.
13) I bought two new cds and have been playing them over and over again in raptures.
Well, hopefully that will tide you over until next time, whenever that may be. There were many more things that happened of course, but I like odd numbers, particularly 13, so that's the end of my list.
What have you all been up to?
Nevertheless, it's time for the monthly update I guess, in no order whatsoever including chronological:
Here's what's new from the last month that I can think of at the moment
1) I performed in 13 shows total. My picture was in the local paper :)
2)My sister was Beauty in Beauty and the Beast, and my heart melted into a pool at my feet watching her float across the stage, skirts swinging, in a waltz with a young man she cares deeply about. I suddenly had visions of future family gatherings that include men instead of all us yammering females, and couldn't help but picture the moment in a Someday Faraway that I might hold a little niece or nephew, or live next to a sister and raise my kids and hers together, or have family barbeques. I got goosebumps when she sang. I'm such a mess - how am I going to get through her graduation next month?!
3) My plumbing stopped working properly, so I had a giant hold in my front closet for several weeks. That was great.
4) I vacuumed. Twice. Notice how this implies that within the space of a month I cleaned at least twice. Be impressed.
5) I temporarily had a caseload of approximately 50. That is also why I averaged 90 hours a pay period this month - including one in which I had three days off.
6) I got my car fixed - 1200 dollars. Then, two days later, my check engine light came on. I am probably going to put a sticker over it and keep going.
7)I lost five pounds, making a total of 15. I fit into pants I hadn't worn for two years - and now all my dress pants sag something fierce. I've been wearing lots of dresses.
8) I burned an entire pan of sugar cookie dough. The prepackaged kind.
9)I read five books that I can think of off the top of my head.
10) I wrote a skit that my pastor wants to use in a church service.
11)The Walmart cashier that checked out my groceries said she wanted some of "whatever I was on." I spent the rest of the night vacillating between deep offense and dripping pity.
12) I started watching Once Upon a Time. And then promptly forgot to watch it three weeks in a row and became hopelessly lost.
13) I bought two new cds and have been playing them over and over again in raptures.
Well, hopefully that will tide you over until next time, whenever that may be. There were many more things that happened of course, but I like odd numbers, particularly 13, so that's the end of my list.
What have you all been up to?
Friday, March 2, 2012
Advice needed
Well friends, I am now the veteran of 8 shows, with another 5 shows coming up these next two weekends. I will also be hosting my mother for almost a week, followed by a Lia Sophia party being held in my 'umble little 'ome. so all in all, I do believe it will be what you might call a very busy stretch of time. Not to mention there are already rumblings afoot about the spring show.
Yay!
Anyways, here's the thing - I need a little help from y 'all. Here's some of what I need:
1) I need to know your best tips for filling empty corners. I don't want it to be too crowded in here, but there's an empty corner in my bedroom, and an empty corner in my living room and they look very sad and forlorn indeed.
2) I need tips on creating collage walls - I've seen it done all over the internet and I have the perfect place to start one, but I need some guidance on balancing sizes and colors, and developing a theme.
3) I need some new movies to watch and books to read - I am bored to death with all of mine!
4) And finally, my little computer here has begun to drop dark hints that the end may be nigh - I have it on life support, but I strongly suspect a replacement will be needed sooner than later. Thoughts on brand, things to look for, considerations, etc??
5) Well, correction, this is the final thing: if you know any magical tip for forcing oneself to accomplish more in the average day, I would appreciate your sharing them - for instance, how can one force oneself from one's lovely nest on the couch to fold laundry and clean the kitchen, or perhaps drag ones eyes away from episode 200 of some show and focus them on editing a novel?
And that is that. Advise away friends - whichever problem you want to tackle, I'll be eternally grateful.
Yay!
Anyways, here's the thing - I need a little help from y 'all. Here's some of what I need:
1) I need to know your best tips for filling empty corners. I don't want it to be too crowded in here, but there's an empty corner in my bedroom, and an empty corner in my living room and they look very sad and forlorn indeed.
2) I need tips on creating collage walls - I've seen it done all over the internet and I have the perfect place to start one, but I need some guidance on balancing sizes and colors, and developing a theme.
3) I need some new movies to watch and books to read - I am bored to death with all of mine!
4) And finally, my little computer here has begun to drop dark hints that the end may be nigh - I have it on life support, but I strongly suspect a replacement will be needed sooner than later. Thoughts on brand, things to look for, considerations, etc??
5) Well, correction, this is the final thing: if you know any magical tip for forcing oneself to accomplish more in the average day, I would appreciate your sharing them - for instance, how can one force oneself from one's lovely nest on the couch to fold laundry and clean the kitchen, or perhaps drag ones eyes away from episode 200 of some show and focus them on editing a novel?
And that is that. Advise away friends - whichever problem you want to tackle, I'll be eternally grateful.
Monday, February 13, 2012
And now for something much much different
Well - welcome back to me. didn't realize it had been so long - again.
You see, the trouble is all with the theatre.
When one works full time, and rehearses 6-12 hours a week on top of that, there really isn't all that many more hours in the day, and many things fall by the wayside - you know, things...like eating, sleeping, showering regularly, doing laundry EVER, putting shoes back in the closet, or in general doing any kind of tidying.
It's been blessed.
You know, I forgot how much I love the theatre. I love the chance to be someone different, to slip into another skin. I love how acting requires everything - to do it well you have to be fully engaged: listening, speaking, moving, breathing, walking, reacting; everything takes place in the moment and everything revolves around the tiny world created there on the stage. I haven't been in a play since high school, and I thought it seemed like a great way to meet people. Which it was - only then, people got this strange idea that I was actually going to get up in front of EVERYONE and do it up there.
Yikes.
Forgot about that part.
But I made it through. It's been an increeeeeeedible experience, and drawn me ever closer to God as my total weakness makes it possible for His power to be made clear. And I have been loving it!
Tonight is the first night I've been without a rehearsal or performance in weeks.
It's weird.
I watched tv online. I ate some junk food.
It was really kinda boring.
It's going to be weird adjusting to the gap.
to real life.
I think it's going to be really, really hard to not have the play anymore.
True story.
But you know what - I'm not going to think about that. Not tonight. Tonight is for lazing around. And maybe doing some cleaning. And for getting ready - because I've got another four performances this weekend, and I am so excited: not for the waiting, where I feel like death and puking violently, but for the rush of it happening, and the content of the ending. I'm ready for it. Live in the moment. Love where I'm at.
You see, the trouble is all with the theatre.
When one works full time, and rehearses 6-12 hours a week on top of that, there really isn't all that many more hours in the day, and many things fall by the wayside - you know, things...like eating, sleeping, showering regularly, doing laundry EVER, putting shoes back in the closet, or in general doing any kind of tidying.
It's been blessed.
You know, I forgot how much I love the theatre. I love the chance to be someone different, to slip into another skin. I love how acting requires everything - to do it well you have to be fully engaged: listening, speaking, moving, breathing, walking, reacting; everything takes place in the moment and everything revolves around the tiny world created there on the stage. I haven't been in a play since high school, and I thought it seemed like a great way to meet people. Which it was - only then, people got this strange idea that I was actually going to get up in front of EVERYONE and do it up there.
Yikes.
Forgot about that part.
But I made it through. It's been an increeeeeeedible experience, and drawn me ever closer to God as my total weakness makes it possible for His power to be made clear. And I have been loving it!
Tonight is the first night I've been without a rehearsal or performance in weeks.
It's weird.
I watched tv online. I ate some junk food.
It was really kinda boring.
It's going to be weird adjusting to the gap.
to real life.
I think it's going to be really, really hard to not have the play anymore.
True story.
But you know what - I'm not going to think about that. Not tonight. Tonight is for lazing around. And maybe doing some cleaning. And for getting ready - because I've got another four performances this weekend, and I am so excited: not for the waiting, where I feel like death and puking violently, but for the rush of it happening, and the content of the ending. I'm ready for it. Live in the moment. Love where I'm at.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Resolved
I'm doing resolutions this year - are you? Only, like many folks out here in the blogging universe, I'm making them broad: lifestyle more than specific actions.
Mostly they focus around rounding out - getting brave, doing things I wouldn't usually do, trying new things, being faithful in the old things, working hard, giving all I've got, and finding things to love in the world around me.
I started yesterday.
I was pretty sad with the holidays ending and that loneliness that comes with being far from many loved ones. But, where I might usually have sacked out in front of my tv and let some nonexistent world numb me up, I engaged - I tore apart my closet and put it back together, I paid bills, I organized, I cleaned.
Today I haven't done as well - but I had a slimfast for breakfast, and I am about to run a load of laundry, bake some brownies, and lift weights.
I want to live purposefully, not just let life carry on around me.
What are you resolved to?
Mostly they focus around rounding out - getting brave, doing things I wouldn't usually do, trying new things, being faithful in the old things, working hard, giving all I've got, and finding things to love in the world around me.
I started yesterday.
I was pretty sad with the holidays ending and that loneliness that comes with being far from many loved ones. But, where I might usually have sacked out in front of my tv and let some nonexistent world numb me up, I engaged - I tore apart my closet and put it back together, I paid bills, I organized, I cleaned.
Today I haven't done as well - but I had a slimfast for breakfast, and I am about to run a load of laundry, bake some brownies, and lift weights.
I want to live purposefully, not just let life carry on around me.
What are you resolved to?
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Longing
What do you think fulfillment looks and sounds like? Do you think we ever find completeness and contentment in this life, in this world?
I love my job, I really can say that and I am lucky to be able to. But it doesn't feel like the end.
I used to want to go overseas and do relief work, or to get involved in the big issues: human trafficking, immigration, clean water, etc. I still do. And I still don't: because at heart I am a homebody.
I love words and language: I want to become a writer. I want to sit and let the words pour out of me, and to make the world better with my writing, even if that just means writing a story that both lets someone learn something about themselves and gives them a place to escape. I want to study language, to know things about books and about language far beyond what I know now.
Lately, I've been craving the study of something concrete. I exist in a world of questions and shadows: human services is a land of no right answers. Language is a tenuous and changing thing. I have been wanting, actually deeply desiring, to study science and mathematics, things I used to loathe. I want to dive into something finite, something which contains yes and no, this but not that, something that abides by rules and reason. And yet, I know that the deeper I delve into something of rules and reason the more I will find places where even those rules no longer hold together.
Not to mention that, while fascinated by science and math, I've never been particularly good at either.
I want to travel the world. I want to see new things. I want to pour myself out.
I want to stay where it is safe. I want to surround myself with a small circle of those I intimately love. I want to embrace small moments.
This is what I think Ecclesiastes speaks to: that's why I love that book so much, why I read it beginning to end every couple of months.
If you're like me, you get caught up sometimes in the what ifs and imaginings, and the sheer possibilities make you feel lost in the abyss of a pattern you do not know the start or finish of. You feel as though you wander around blindly, hoping your steps are right, always wondering deep down if there's something more.
I can tell you from one who wanders just as you do: there is a time to cease questioning. There is a time to accept.
I know - we've always lived hearing don't accept, don't settle, don't be content. While we must each try our best, and refuse to accept mediocrity in ourselves, acceptance is at times what life is all about. To know you are doing a good thing - perhaps not the perfect thing, or the very best thing, but a good thing: such knowledge can be a precious gift, if you are content with it. There is no perfect answer - there is no one right path. There is no such thing as a place you cannot return from. Be happy with the place you are in. It is one of many good places.
"I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God." Ecclesiastes 3
I love my job, I really can say that and I am lucky to be able to. But it doesn't feel like the end.
I used to want to go overseas and do relief work, or to get involved in the big issues: human trafficking, immigration, clean water, etc. I still do. And I still don't: because at heart I am a homebody.
I love words and language: I want to become a writer. I want to sit and let the words pour out of me, and to make the world better with my writing, even if that just means writing a story that both lets someone learn something about themselves and gives them a place to escape. I want to study language, to know things about books and about language far beyond what I know now.
Lately, I've been craving the study of something concrete. I exist in a world of questions and shadows: human services is a land of no right answers. Language is a tenuous and changing thing. I have been wanting, actually deeply desiring, to study science and mathematics, things I used to loathe. I want to dive into something finite, something which contains yes and no, this but not that, something that abides by rules and reason. And yet, I know that the deeper I delve into something of rules and reason the more I will find places where even those rules no longer hold together.
Not to mention that, while fascinated by science and math, I've never been particularly good at either.
I want to travel the world. I want to see new things. I want to pour myself out.
I want to stay where it is safe. I want to surround myself with a small circle of those I intimately love. I want to embrace small moments.
This is what I think Ecclesiastes speaks to: that's why I love that book so much, why I read it beginning to end every couple of months.
If you're like me, you get caught up sometimes in the what ifs and imaginings, and the sheer possibilities make you feel lost in the abyss of a pattern you do not know the start or finish of. You feel as though you wander around blindly, hoping your steps are right, always wondering deep down if there's something more.
I can tell you from one who wanders just as you do: there is a time to cease questioning. There is a time to accept.
I know - we've always lived hearing don't accept, don't settle, don't be content. While we must each try our best, and refuse to accept mediocrity in ourselves, acceptance is at times what life is all about. To know you are doing a good thing - perhaps not the perfect thing, or the very best thing, but a good thing: such knowledge can be a precious gift, if you are content with it. There is no perfect answer - there is no one right path. There is no such thing as a place you cannot return from. Be happy with the place you are in. It is one of many good places.
"I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God." Ecclesiastes 3
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