What do you think fulfillment looks and sounds like? Do you think we ever find completeness and contentment in this life, in this world?
I love my job, I really can say that and I am lucky to be able to. But it doesn't feel like the end.
I used to want to go overseas and do relief work, or to get involved in the big issues: human trafficking, immigration, clean water, etc. I still do. And I still don't: because at heart I am a homebody.
I love words and language: I want to become a writer. I want to sit and let the words pour out of me, and to make the world better with my writing, even if that just means writing a story that both lets someone learn something about themselves and gives them a place to escape. I want to study language, to know things about books and about language far beyond what I know now.
Lately, I've been craving the study of something concrete. I exist in a world of questions and shadows: human services is a land of no right answers. Language is a tenuous and changing thing. I have been wanting, actually deeply desiring, to study science and mathematics, things I used to loathe. I want to dive into something finite, something which contains yes and no, this but not that, something that abides by rules and reason. And yet, I know that the deeper I delve into something of rules and reason the more I will find places where even those rules no longer hold together.
Not to mention that, while fascinated by science and math, I've never been particularly good at either.
I want to travel the world. I want to see new things. I want to pour myself out.
I want to stay where it is safe. I want to surround myself with a small circle of those I intimately love. I want to embrace small moments.
This is what I think Ecclesiastes speaks to: that's why I love that book so much, why I read it beginning to end every couple of months.
If you're like me, you get caught up sometimes in the what ifs and imaginings, and the sheer possibilities make you feel lost in the abyss of a pattern you do not know the start or finish of. You feel as though you wander around blindly, hoping your steps are right, always wondering deep down if there's something more.
I can tell you from one who wanders just as you do: there is a time to cease questioning. There is a time to accept.
I know - we've always lived hearing don't accept, don't settle, don't be content. While we must each try our best, and refuse to accept mediocrity in ourselves, acceptance is at times what life is all about. To know you are doing a good thing - perhaps not the perfect thing, or the very best thing, but a good thing: such knowledge can be a precious gift, if you are content with it. There is no perfect answer - there is no one right path. There is no such thing as a place you cannot return from. Be happy with the place you are in. It is one of many good places.
"I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God." Ecclesiastes 3
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Friday, December 2, 2011
Gathering
Hello friends! How's things? I decided to sum up life in general in a list, with letters rather than numbers just to shake things up. If you make it through all the way at the end there's a something at the end I need your help with...
a) I finished/won nano!! so exciting :)
b) Work is, I hesitate to say aloud, going pretty well. I feel like I sorta kinda maybe a little bit am getting the knack of it
c) I have failed to eat proper dinner three nights in a row. Suffice it to say that's going in my New Years goals it's gotten so bad.
d) p.s. soon I'll be coming out with a New Years Challenge - plan ahead, you know you'll want in on it!
e) I'm going to bake. Tonight. because I am quite desperate for some sweets! Any spectacular recipe suggestions?
f) I'm going to be doing community theatre - 98% certain. Half of me thinks it will be amazing, and the other half thinks it's one of the stupidest ideas I've ever had!
g) Here's the one I need help with: I've decided to enter some short story competitions, even though I'm usually novel-length verbose. The problem is, as always, ideas: I'm taking nominations for stories you wish would come into existence. Ideas, anyone??
a) I finished/won nano!! so exciting :)
b) Work is, I hesitate to say aloud, going pretty well. I feel like I sorta kinda maybe a little bit am getting the knack of it
c) I have failed to eat proper dinner three nights in a row. Suffice it to say that's going in my New Years goals it's gotten so bad.
d) p.s. soon I'll be coming out with a New Years Challenge - plan ahead, you know you'll want in on it!
e) I'm going to bake. Tonight. because I am quite desperate for some sweets! Any spectacular recipe suggestions?
f) I'm going to be doing community theatre - 98% certain. Half of me thinks it will be amazing, and the other half thinks it's one of the stupidest ideas I've ever had!
g) Here's the one I need help with: I've decided to enter some short story competitions, even though I'm usually novel-length verbose. The problem is, as always, ideas: I'm taking nominations for stories you wish would come into existence. Ideas, anyone??
Monday, November 28, 2011
Celebrate and Create
I for one had a marvelously wonderful Thanksgiving. You folks??
It was so wonderful in fact, that I crashed well before ten last night and slept straight on till morning. Thank you very much.
Two notes:
1) My lights are up! and my tree is decorated and my apartment is altogether quite cozy.
2) I behind on my word count for Nano for the first time all month - I haven't touched it since before Thanksgiving. Time to catch up? I'd say so. If only writer's block had not chosen this exact instant to set in. Thoughts? ideas? inspirations? Do help.
It was so wonderful in fact, that I crashed well before ten last night and slept straight on till morning. Thank you very much.
Two notes:
1) My lights are up! and my tree is decorated and my apartment is altogether quite cozy.
2) I behind on my word count for Nano for the first time all month - I haven't touched it since before Thanksgiving. Time to catch up? I'd say so. If only writer's block had not chosen this exact instant to set in. Thoughts? ideas? inspirations? Do help.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
do you hear what I hear?
Today did not start out particularly well. I woke up at 6:30, looked at the clock, and thought blissfully to myself - my, how lovely it's Saturday and I can sleep until 7:30 so I am ready to go by 9:00 a.m. What a good morning. The next thing that came into my head was, Why is it so light out? I rolled over and looked at the clock again, and found the display reading 9:15. My hand immediately flew to my curlers and my mind to the issue of the people I was supposed to meet at 9:00, none of whose numbers were in my possession. Problem. I dashed around pulled on jeans and yanking curlers out left and right. Fool things didn't want to come out either! I was hiding in my apartment, pulling myself together, when a knock came at the door. I figured, half-dressed, it was not ideal to answer it and I woulds simply wait until they went away and then apologize on Monday. No such luck. They knocked again and again while I threw curlers madly and tried to find a clean shirt that didn't clash too hideously with my pants. Finally my phone rang, and on the second call I answered it.
So. embarassing. I am ashamed to admit that I did not talk them out of their assumption that I am a deep sleeper. I just went along with it - it was better than admitting that I couldn't answer the door because I had curlers in my hair and my pajamas on.
Anyways, long story short, they waited for me, so we all went to a craft fair where I found a gift for my sister's birthday and a lovely little wreath thing that is sooo cute and is hanging joyously in my living room now.
I also gave in, today, and listened to Christmas music. I've been resisting, stubbornly making myself wait, but I just was not strong enough anymore.
I also watched Elf, made chicken hotdish, and threw together a pumpkin dip to bring to my parents' for Thanksgiving. I had too much pumpkin and not enough cream cheese, so I added a bunch of cool whip - I think it turned out alright!
Tonight though - well let me just say, I fully intend on being asleep by 10:00. I will NOT sleep through another alarm. Tomorrow at least.
So. embarassing. I am ashamed to admit that I did not talk them out of their assumption that I am a deep sleeper. I just went along with it - it was better than admitting that I couldn't answer the door because I had curlers in my hair and my pajamas on.
Anyways, long story short, they waited for me, so we all went to a craft fair where I found a gift for my sister's birthday and a lovely little wreath thing that is sooo cute and is hanging joyously in my living room now.
I also gave in, today, and listened to Christmas music. I've been resisting, stubbornly making myself wait, but I just was not strong enough anymore.
I also watched Elf, made chicken hotdish, and threw together a pumpkin dip to bring to my parents' for Thanksgiving. I had too much pumpkin and not enough cream cheese, so I added a bunch of cool whip - I think it turned out alright!
Tonight though - well let me just say, I fully intend on being asleep by 10:00. I will NOT sleep through another alarm. Tomorrow at least.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Some days...
There are some days that I suspect I am not old enough for my job and ought to run back to school and simple things for about ten years.
Then there are days like today when I know it!
Then there are days like today when I know it!
Sunday, November 6, 2011
A Month-ish-ly Summary
Well friends - I guess it's time to get all caught up. However, so many things have been happening and I am so exhausted at this point that this may be the most haphazard, twisted, non comprehensible piece of writing known to man. Prepare yourselves.
Part One: How I Know It's NaNoWriMo Season
1) I have stopped using conjunctions and hyphenated words. This adds to one's word count and is therefore essential to the ability to make it through the month.
2) I sit in my apartment and laugh maniacally sometimes - the result of reading the NaNoisms thread, where people post the misspellings and other unfortunate creations resulting from the mad dash to 50,000 words.
3) My dishes have been stacking up since the beginning. Namely, every. single. coffee. mug. I. own. is. dirty. It is VERY exasperating.
4) I have started to be able to block out portions of my day again. This used to happen in college when I existed on five to six hours of sleep and would sometimes come alert at some point knowing I went places and did things, but not quite certain how they occurred.
5) I've started making up words.
6) I use multiple adjectives to describe the most mundane things - the puppy's eyes were big brown pleading and sweet. Which they may have been, but I know for a fact there are less verbose ways to say it!
Part Two: The Return of the Old Me
I don't know if it was just the newness of everything here, but for some time I was doing pretty well - I was looking responsible to other people, I was carrying on in a more or less socially appropriate manner, and things were trucking along decently, if somewhat boringly (see made up words from part one). This has ended. The honeymoon is over, as they say, and my true self is showing it's inappropriate, stumbling, blushing self again.
Allow me to run over a few highlights:
Last week, I had to get an oil change. I brought a friend with me, and we went to Walmart so I could shop at the same time. Dropping the car off was no big deal. However, picking it up - well let's just say that they need to label their doors much more accurately. Basically there was this whole ordeal where we attempted to force a loaded shopping cart through a single-person door marked customer, then not knowing where to go since it led into the shop itself, we went out a side door, only to find ourselves on the opposite end of the shop from the car. So, in full view of no less than three laughing mechanics and possibly a customer, we proceeded to march around the entire building, still pushing a rattling shopping cart overloaded with plastic bags, and reach the car, where we then had to unload all the bags in front of the still-staring and snickering mechanics, then make our escape home.
At work on Thursday, I tripped. On the plain old carpet. In the middle of the giant, wall-length, floor to ceiling windows. Right at the front of our office. Three different times.
Coming home from work Friday night, I tried to open my front door using the beeper for my car. Because if it says unlock, it should unlock, right?
This morning, getting ready for church after a very late night of writing and then that random extra hour of sleep, I tried to use not mousse, but contact solution on my hair. May I point out that this is only November 6? As I tried to explain to my friend after the Oil Change Incident, these things just happen to me. I don't know why.
Part Three: Hearing Things
No, sarcastic person in the back, I heard you, and I am not manifesting my latent insanity. However, I have started an interesting assortment of quotes lately - it must be because I'm writing again, I'm always more attuned to the world then. Because this post is already far too long, I'll just share two of them with you, and then I'll be off.
1) My father, of course:
"Well a rolling stone gathers no moss - and that's Spanish. No más."
2) (Overheard at church)
Pastor: "We brag about many of the blessings God gives us, when they're beyond our control. We even brag about pointless things: My house is bigger than your house. My girlfriend is cuter than your girlfriend."
-Everybody starts laughing-
Pastor: "What? Haven't any of you done that?"
Husband down the row - leans to his wife -: "Is my girlfriend prettier than your girlfriend?"
Wife - backhands husband in the chest, then stage whispers: "I wouldn't know, I've never met her." -Then starts laughing crazily at her own self -
And that, my friends, if life lately.
Part One: How I Know It's NaNoWriMo Season
1) I have stopped using conjunctions and hyphenated words. This adds to one's word count and is therefore essential to the ability to make it through the month.
2) I sit in my apartment and laugh maniacally sometimes - the result of reading the NaNoisms thread, where people post the misspellings and other unfortunate creations resulting from the mad dash to 50,000 words.
3) My dishes have been stacking up since the beginning. Namely, every. single. coffee. mug. I. own. is. dirty. It is VERY exasperating.
4) I have started to be able to block out portions of my day again. This used to happen in college when I existed on five to six hours of sleep and would sometimes come alert at some point knowing I went places and did things, but not quite certain how they occurred.
5) I've started making up words.
6) I use multiple adjectives to describe the most mundane things - the puppy's eyes were big brown pleading and sweet. Which they may have been, but I know for a fact there are less verbose ways to say it!
Part Two: The Return of the Old Me
I don't know if it was just the newness of everything here, but for some time I was doing pretty well - I was looking responsible to other people, I was carrying on in a more or less socially appropriate manner, and things were trucking along decently, if somewhat boringly (see made up words from part one). This has ended. The honeymoon is over, as they say, and my true self is showing it's inappropriate, stumbling, blushing self again.
Allow me to run over a few highlights:
Last week, I had to get an oil change. I brought a friend with me, and we went to Walmart so I could shop at the same time. Dropping the car off was no big deal. However, picking it up - well let's just say that they need to label their doors much more accurately. Basically there was this whole ordeal where we attempted to force a loaded shopping cart through a single-person door marked customer, then not knowing where to go since it led into the shop itself, we went out a side door, only to find ourselves on the opposite end of the shop from the car. So, in full view of no less than three laughing mechanics and possibly a customer, we proceeded to march around the entire building, still pushing a rattling shopping cart overloaded with plastic bags, and reach the car, where we then had to unload all the bags in front of the still-staring and snickering mechanics, then make our escape home.
At work on Thursday, I tripped. On the plain old carpet. In the middle of the giant, wall-length, floor to ceiling windows. Right at the front of our office. Three different times.
Coming home from work Friday night, I tried to open my front door using the beeper for my car. Because if it says unlock, it should unlock, right?
This morning, getting ready for church after a very late night of writing and then that random extra hour of sleep, I tried to use not mousse, but contact solution on my hair. May I point out that this is only November 6? As I tried to explain to my friend after the Oil Change Incident, these things just happen to me. I don't know why.
Part Three: Hearing Things
No, sarcastic person in the back, I heard you, and I am not manifesting my latent insanity. However, I have started an interesting assortment of quotes lately - it must be because I'm writing again, I'm always more attuned to the world then. Because this post is already far too long, I'll just share two of them with you, and then I'll be off.
1) My father, of course:
"Well a rolling stone gathers no moss - and that's Spanish. No más."
2) (Overheard at church)
Pastor: "We brag about many of the blessings God gives us, when they're beyond our control. We even brag about pointless things: My house is bigger than your house. My girlfriend is cuter than your girlfriend."
-Everybody starts laughing-
Pastor: "What? Haven't any of you done that?"
Husband down the row - leans to his wife -: "Is my girlfriend prettier than your girlfriend?"
Wife - backhands husband in the chest, then stage whispers: "I wouldn't know, I've never met her." -Then starts laughing crazily at her own self -
And that, my friends, if life lately.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
On Hearing a Story
When you like to write, you sometimes get a teensy bit of a God-complex about your story. You know every tiny detail of every word, thought, and interaction every one of your characters will have from beginning to end.
And then you start to write.
And it allllll falls apart.
I was telling a friend of mine that I am going to do Nanowrimo and convincing her to do it with me, and as we were talking about it I gave her the synopsis of my plot, using your average filler "blah-blah-blah" for the parts i wasn't entirely clear on. When she teased me about it I pronounced my wording epic, and added that I didn't know yet whether the end of the book I've chosen to write is going to be poignant and haunting or sweet and charming. This is what she said:
"I guess it might be one of those instances where you won't know until the end. Let the story speak to you.
And if it says "blah-blah-blah" hold out for something a bit more profound. Because no, it is not epic."
And then you start to write.
And it allllll falls apart.
I was telling a friend of mine that I am going to do Nanowrimo and convincing her to do it with me, and as we were talking about it I gave her the synopsis of my plot, using your average filler "blah-blah-blah" for the parts i wasn't entirely clear on. When she teased me about it I pronounced my wording epic, and added that I didn't know yet whether the end of the book I've chosen to write is going to be poignant and haunting or sweet and charming. This is what she said:
"I guess it might be one of those instances where you won't know until the end. Let the story speak to you.
And if it says "blah-blah-blah" hold out for something a bit more profound. Because no, it is not epic."
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Minnesota Wish List
Today I am going to give myself a giant imaginary gift all about my roots:
Good old MN!!
The things I would put inside would be:
Minnesota gear - comfy sweatshirt, cozy sweatpants, probably a knit hat and maybe some mittens
Coffee: the goodness of Caribou! and probably a giftcard so the next time I'm home I can go there with my sisters.
Some kind of MN history book - because I grew up on MN history thanks to my dad, and I kind of miss it sometimes.
Minnesota postcards
Cheesy little touristy things like the license plate name tags and homemade soaps and stuff
A snowglobe with Minnesota in it, or pine trees or some such nonsense
Something totally kitschy like a mini Paul Bunyan
A Twins shirt - because I never cared about them, but now that I am in enemy territory I care just on principle.
A Target giftcard, because there's no Target for miles and miles and miles here.
A couple hotdish recipes - or preferably the hotdish itself.
The movie New in Town - for a touch of home...as others see it, since I never knew a single person who had "The Accent".
Posters for my wall - the awesome ones the history center had of split rock lighthouse and downtown areas in primary colors.
And of course, notes from all my lovelies at home.
If you were going to create a package from your favorite place, one you've been to, are in now, or want to go someday, what would you put inside?
Good old MN!!
The things I would put inside would be:
Minnesota gear - comfy sweatshirt, cozy sweatpants, probably a knit hat and maybe some mittens
Coffee: the goodness of Caribou! and probably a giftcard so the next time I'm home I can go there with my sisters.
Some kind of MN history book - because I grew up on MN history thanks to my dad, and I kind of miss it sometimes.
Minnesota postcards
Cheesy little touristy things like the license plate name tags and homemade soaps and stuff
A snowglobe with Minnesota in it, or pine trees or some such nonsense
Something totally kitschy like a mini Paul Bunyan
A Twins shirt - because I never cared about them, but now that I am in enemy territory I care just on principle.
A Target giftcard, because there's no Target for miles and miles and miles here.
A couple hotdish recipes - or preferably the hotdish itself.
The movie New in Town - for a touch of home...as others see it, since I never knew a single person who had "The Accent".
Posters for my wall - the awesome ones the history center had of split rock lighthouse and downtown areas in primary colors.
And of course, notes from all my lovelies at home.
If you were going to create a package from your favorite place, one you've been to, are in now, or want to go someday, what would you put inside?
Friday, October 14, 2011
Featuring...
First of all, true admission: It took me awhile to spell featuring correctly. I'd like to blame this on the 11:30 time, but truth is I just fail at certain words.
Second, I got a twitter: invincibleblogj. Mostly, I got it so I could get Pinterest!! But, if you happen to be a fan of Twitter and want to tell me how it works or want me to follow you or whatever it is one does on there, let me know.
And finally, most importantly:
the Feature.
One of my best friends, Kiah Tomatz, is a very talented woman. She does great design work (you can find her here), but she also is a very lovely musician.
Fun facts about Kiah:
1)I still have the notebooks we passed notes in in highschool: mainly they consist of her saying "write me back!" and me saying "Leave me alone I'm reading my book!"
2) Kiah is the most flexible person I know - seriously! the world's highest Russians
3) The very first time I ever used an IM-like-program was on a computer at her house. She was tech savvy, cool, and in the know, and me, well, I wrote a 1,000 word novel instead of a short and sweet line of text. in fact,
4) She's pretty awesome. Beautiful, talented and accomplished - so much so that I don't know why she still hangs out with me, my books, and my I Love Lucy obsession.
So, in honor of the weekend and finding good things to enjoy, I am showcasing some of her videos here and I encourage you to explore more and be delighted.
Happy weekend friends!
Second, I got a twitter: invincibleblogj. Mostly, I got it so I could get Pinterest!! But, if you happen to be a fan of Twitter and want to tell me how it works or want me to follow you or whatever it is one does on there, let me know.
And finally, most importantly:
the Feature.
One of my best friends, Kiah Tomatz, is a very talented woman. She does great design work (you can find her here), but she also is a very lovely musician.
Fun facts about Kiah:
1)I still have the notebooks we passed notes in in highschool: mainly they consist of her saying "write me back!" and me saying "Leave me alone I'm reading my book!"
2) Kiah is the most flexible person I know - seriously! the world's highest Russians
3) The very first time I ever used an IM-like-program was on a computer at her house. She was tech savvy, cool, and in the know, and me, well, I wrote a 1,000 word novel instead of a short and sweet line of text. in fact,
4) She's pretty awesome. Beautiful, talented and accomplished - so much so that I don't know why she still hangs out with me, my books, and my I Love Lucy obsession.
So, in honor of the weekend and finding good things to enjoy, I am showcasing some of her videos here and I encourage you to explore more and be delighted.
Happy weekend friends!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Making the world
I am still sick. I have half a voice. I went to a fabulous training on POA/guardianship this afternoon. I had orange chicken and white rice for lunch. My lungs feel like bricks. I wish I had cable so I could watch the Psych premiere.
The sun is setting. My favorite candle is burning on the table. There is no greater joy than learning the one thing that suddenly makes an answer spark out at you.
I am making my world more beautiful by the eyes with which I choose to see it.
The sun is setting. My favorite candle is burning on the table. There is no greater joy than learning the one thing that suddenly makes an answer spark out at you.
I am making my world more beautiful by the eyes with which I choose to see it.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Discovery
Today my words won't be enough.
Remember yesterday? The questions about the Dream?
I got just the teensiest bit of an answer today.
October 11 - After God's Silence - what?
Has God trusted you with a silence - a silence that is big with meaning? God's silences are His answers. Think of those days of absolute silence in the home at Bethany! Is there anything analogous to those days in your life? Can God trust you like that, or are you still asking for a visible answer? God will give you the blessings you ask if you will not go any further without them; but His silence is the sign that He is bringing you into a marvelous understanding of Himself. Are you mourning before God because you have not had an audible response? You will find that God has trusted you in the most intimate way possible, with an absolute silence, not of despair, but of pleasure, because He saw that you could stand a bigger revelation. If God has given you a silence, praise him, He is bringing you into the great run of His purposes. The manifestation of the answer in time is a matter of God's sovereignty. Time is nothing to God. For a while you said - "I asked God to give me bread, and He gave me a stone."He did not, and today you find He gave you the bread of life. A wonderful thing about God's silence is that the contagion of His stillness gets into you and you become perfectly confident - "I know God has heard me." His silence is the proof that He has. As long as you have the idea that God will bless you in answer to prayer, He will do it, but He will never give you the grace of silence. If Jesus Christ is bringing you into the understanding that prayer is for the glorifying of His Father, He will give you the first sign of His intimacy - silence.
Oswald Chambers
Remember yesterday? The questions about the Dream?
I got just the teensiest bit of an answer today.
October 11 - After God's Silence - what?
Has God trusted you with a silence - a silence that is big with meaning? God's silences are His answers. Think of those days of absolute silence in the home at Bethany! Is there anything analogous to those days in your life? Can God trust you like that, or are you still asking for a visible answer? God will give you the blessings you ask if you will not go any further without them; but His silence is the sign that He is bringing you into a marvelous understanding of Himself. Are you mourning before God because you have not had an audible response? You will find that God has trusted you in the most intimate way possible, with an absolute silence, not of despair, but of pleasure, because He saw that you could stand a bigger revelation. If God has given you a silence, praise him, He is bringing you into the great run of His purposes. The manifestation of the answer in time is a matter of God's sovereignty. Time is nothing to God. For a while you said - "I asked God to give me bread, and He gave me a stone."He did not, and today you find He gave you the bread of life. A wonderful thing about God's silence is that the contagion of His stillness gets into you and you become perfectly confident - "I know God has heard me." His silence is the proof that He has. As long as you have the idea that God will bless you in answer to prayer, He will do it, but He will never give you the grace of silence. If Jesus Christ is bringing you into the understanding that prayer is for the glorifying of His Father, He will give you the first sign of His intimacy - silence.
Oswald Chambers
Monday, October 10, 2011
live the dream
What do your dreams look like?
Dreams are a hard thing to nail down.
So many things are impossible, no matter how much people tell you to just follow them, some things really are impractical, irresponsible, or some other combination of unrealities.
I know my dream is to serve people. I know my passion is being with other people and meeting needs.
My dream used to be going overseas to work, to dive into those big situations.
But what happens when your dreams and your heart don't line up?
My dreams are big.
My heart belongs to home.
I want to someday climb to the top of the Eiffel tower and wrap my arms around someone I love and dream that we own the world together.
I want to take words, my words, and reach inside of someone and reveal something they never saw before.
I want to bring a marvel.
I love books.
I love fall and sunshine and playing the piano and coffee and reading and laughing and making other people happy.
I love the thing I've had just a few times in my life: the moment when you dive in and believe so deeply in what you are doing that everything else is just that something extra. The times when life takes on a glow, when you can pour your heart out and still find it full.
Here's what I know.
Somehow, somewhere in this world, there is a way to combine the things I love:
being sunshine
Books
The elderly
joy
passion
playing piano
words
hope
companionship
meeting physical needs
kids
meeting new people
variety
making people feel welcome
restoration
the great cause
Together, into some kind of perfect God-given whole.
But how do I find it?
I've always taken this verse to mean that, if I let Him, He will clear away all the many little distractions that come along: that in the end, the path He takes me on will be the perfect one, and He alone will show me the true desires He placed deep inside my heart.
Dreams are a hard thing to nail down.
So many things are impossible, no matter how much people tell you to just follow them, some things really are impractical, irresponsible, or some other combination of unrealities.
I know my dream is to serve people. I know my passion is being with other people and meeting needs.
My dream used to be going overseas to work, to dive into those big situations.
But what happens when your dreams and your heart don't line up?
My dreams are big.
My heart belongs to home.
I want to someday climb to the top of the Eiffel tower and wrap my arms around someone I love and dream that we own the world together.
I want to take words, my words, and reach inside of someone and reveal something they never saw before.
I want to bring a marvel.
I love books.
I love fall and sunshine and playing the piano and coffee and reading and laughing and making other people happy.
I love the thing I've had just a few times in my life: the moment when you dive in and believe so deeply in what you are doing that everything else is just that something extra. The times when life takes on a glow, when you can pour your heart out and still find it full.
Here's what I know.
Somehow, somewhere in this world, there is a way to combine the things I love:
being sunshine
Books
The elderly
joy
passion
playing piano
words
hope
companionship
meeting physical needs
kids
meeting new people
variety
making people feel welcome
restoration
the great cause
Together, into some kind of perfect God-given whole.
But how do I find it?
Roadblock: sick
why is it that every time you (meaning the collective us) start something with determination (read: getting into shape - I got up at 6 and exercised and I ate five small meals and managed my hunger as well as fitting in vegetables), something rises up to get in the way?
I started having a sore throat this afternoon - I thought it was because I drank diet Cherry Pepsi and I am allergic to lots (but not all) cherry things, but it has persisted and been joined by a dry nose - you know the feeling where the sides of your face by your nose feel swollen and your nose is dry as dust inside? - and I have been pouring sweat despite not moving since dinner two hours ago.
Blech.
I plan to pull up my hair, put my pajamas on, put my glasses on, watch Hawaii five-0 and drink some chai tea and go to bed early.
What do you guys do to baby yourself or cure yourself when you're sick??
i hate being sick.
I started having a sore throat this afternoon - I thought it was because I drank diet Cherry Pepsi and I am allergic to lots (but not all) cherry things, but it has persisted and been joined by a dry nose - you know the feeling where the sides of your face by your nose feel swollen and your nose is dry as dust inside? - and I have been pouring sweat despite not moving since dinner two hours ago.
Blech.
I plan to pull up my hair, put my pajamas on, put my glasses on, watch Hawaii five-0 and drink some chai tea and go to bed early.
What do you guys do to baby yourself or cure yourself when you're sick??
i hate being sick.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Weekend Recap
Well I finally took the time to get some photos off my camera again - remember that recipe I gave you a link to awhile back, for the brownie in a mug? it's AMAZING. It looks like this:
I didn't have any cocoa like the recipe asked for, so I just made the batter with the peanut butter and threw in the chocolate chips and it worked out just fine - heavenly, in fact!
I had a blast at the wedding this weekend! There are no pictures however, because like a fool I neglected to bring my camera with me. Someday, I will get better at this. Of course someday, maybe I will have a camera that takes decent pictures.
I got pretty adventurous tonight: first, I went on a super fun website that offers a great window into your fashion - awesome for those of us who are what you might call "not gifted" in the whole fashion thing.
I also concocted my own recipe to use up the eggplant I purchased specifically to teach myself how to make eggplant.
I cut half the eggplant into slices and tossed them in a frying pan with some tomatoes, a little olive oil, and some garlic salt
I browned the eggplant, and while I was doing that I toasted an English muffin from the good old IGA store.
After the eggplant was well-browned, I layered half of the tomatoes on each half of the English muffin and topped those with slices of the eggplant. I sprinkled a little more olive oil on, and then added mozzarella cheese over the top of them.
I did have to throw them in the microwave to finish melting the cheese, but overall they were pretty good. I can't say I adore the texture of the eggplant but I can deal with it, and this was a tasty and healthy meal. Of course I had to finish it off with the world's best gift to man.
Aldi's brand my friends. It will change your life.
Anyways, that's all the news I think. Got any updates from your weekend?? Hope it was great!
I had a blast at the wedding this weekend! There are no pictures however, because like a fool I neglected to bring my camera with me. Someday, I will get better at this. Of course someday, maybe I will have a camera that takes decent pictures.
I got pretty adventurous tonight: first, I went on a super fun website that offers a great window into your fashion - awesome for those of us who are what you might call "not gifted" in the whole fashion thing.
I also concocted my own recipe to use up the eggplant I purchased specifically to teach myself how to make eggplant.
I cut half the eggplant into slices and tossed them in a frying pan with some tomatoes, a little olive oil, and some garlic salt
Anyways, that's all the news I think. Got any updates from your weekend?? Hope it was great!
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Cross the Shifting Sands
First things first: the title is irrelevant. But it would be an awesome book title don't you think?
I had QUITE a day at work - I leave you to fill in the shadows behind the quite.
I went grocery and household shopping on the way home from work, because my mom and youngest sister will be in and out this weekend so I figured my usual maybe-I'll-eat-maybe-I-won't-grab-the-first-thing-I-see meals weren't going to cut it.
I sort of skipped dinner, not going to lie. And I had Mcdonalds for lunch. This is why I'm pretty sure my nutrition panel, if done, would be rock bottom. It's not that I don't like healthy stuff, it's just so much more bother.
I watched I Love Lucy, and Person of Interest, and the Mentalist, however I missed most of all of them because of the following:
I baked two loaves of pumpkin bread from scratch. I baked brownies from a box. I cleaned my toilet. I gave myself a facial (avocado and oatmeal for under 2$ at walmart!). I read all my blogs. I put away all the stuff I bought. And I picked out half the accessories for my wedding outfit. But then I talked to my sister on the phone, and something about the color combinations as I described them to her apparently didn't pass muster. I'm trying to decide if I care enough to go through that mess of choosing again.
And now, I plan to be thoroughly irresponsible. Is it a work night? yes. Should I be in bed? yes. Will I hate myself tomorrow? Most assuredly. But I'm going to stay up, put some clothes away, have a piece of my pumpkin bread, and watch my favorite-est movie - One Night with the King. I read Isaiah 40 this morning, and when I did all I could hear was Mordecai reading it in his deep English voice and I knew I couldn't sleep without watching it.
p.s. - remind me to tell you a story about sleeping.
If I don't write again for awhile, don't hate me - it's gonna be a great weekend!
I had QUITE a day at work - I leave you to fill in the shadows behind the quite.
I went grocery and household shopping on the way home from work, because my mom and youngest sister will be in and out this weekend so I figured my usual maybe-I'll-eat-maybe-I-won't-grab-the-first-thing-I-see meals weren't going to cut it.
I sort of skipped dinner, not going to lie. And I had Mcdonalds for lunch. This is why I'm pretty sure my nutrition panel, if done, would be rock bottom. It's not that I don't like healthy stuff, it's just so much more bother.
I watched I Love Lucy, and Person of Interest, and the Mentalist, however I missed most of all of them because of the following:
I baked two loaves of pumpkin bread from scratch. I baked brownies from a box. I cleaned my toilet. I gave myself a facial (avocado and oatmeal for under 2$ at walmart!). I read all my blogs. I put away all the stuff I bought. And I picked out half the accessories for my wedding outfit. But then I talked to my sister on the phone, and something about the color combinations as I described them to her apparently didn't pass muster. I'm trying to decide if I care enough to go through that mess of choosing again.
And now, I plan to be thoroughly irresponsible. Is it a work night? yes. Should I be in bed? yes. Will I hate myself tomorrow? Most assuredly. But I'm going to stay up, put some clothes away, have a piece of my pumpkin bread, and watch my favorite-est movie - One Night with the King. I read Isaiah 40 this morning, and when I did all I could hear was Mordecai reading it in his deep English voice and I knew I couldn't sleep without watching it.
p.s. - remind me to tell you a story about sleeping.
If I don't write again for awhile, don't hate me - it's gonna be a great weekend!
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Wantings and Havings
This is going to be random - not that I'm ever NOT random., but this might be somewhat more than usual. Prepare yourselves.
I have started my Christmas list already. On it you will find a pair of TOMS, the last couple seasons of I Love Lucy, fuzzy slippers, the latest NCIS, a mac computer, and this:
Which just so happens to be a shirt from Forever 21 featuring my absolute favorite of all time, I Love Lucy. So in love right now.
I found some super cool/funny/interesting things while trolling about this evening:
1) Freerice.com. Go there.
2)This recipe, which I fully intend to try as soon as I am done here.
3) This hilarious list:
4) College Fashion - google it and go to the website, I love poking around there.
5) And this website - I was laughing out loud at some of them.
I went shopping at Maurice's today - is it just me or is there something awfully enticing about that place? They just luuuuure me in, with their lovely minty colors and gorgeous designs and 10 for 10 punch cards....and then suddenly I am left dazed on the pavement much poorer than I was.
Anyways, I bought a dress for the family wedding I have this weekend: super gorgeous, but it's cream, which is not a color my clumsy self typically wears, and it's a little shorter than I would usually wear. I'm excited though!
I also bought a couple sweaters, including one I would like to start living in, and a couple shirts as well as dress pants for work.
I saw a nifty Idea on a website today, and it was all about finding 60 things everyday that you have and want to have again - things within your power basically. So here's some of mine from today, to give you an idea:
1) Beautiful sunrise 2) Good cup of coffee 3) Awesome two-hour visit with a splendid old lady 4) Fabulous shopping trip 5) Wore a soft sweater
And so forth...basically it help you realize the value of your life, and the things in it that make it that way so you can replicate them. Told you it was nifty.
Final thought, promise: I am copying the writing on the side panel of my Maurice's bag because I just like it. So, from me and Maurice's to you:
"My bedroom closet is my sanctuary, my confessional, my runway. It is the place where with damp towel and fuzzy slippers, I transform into the woman I hope to be. The place I pretend to fire my boss, kiss my boyfriend, and play dress up. My closet is filled with low-rise jeans, a sweater that witnessed the first date with my fiance, a bikini I'm planning to fit into and the wrap I'm planning to cover it all up with. It's where I dress for brunches, beaches, boardrooms and bull-fights. (I'm not sure what one wears to a bullfight but it was a spread in a magazine once.) My closet is where I practice pirouettes, check the progress of my bangs, and tape my crumbling homecoming corsage, crinkled pictures of celebrities, and looks I love onto the full-length mirror. It's where I've vowed to someday marry against a slew of ugly bridesmaid dresses."
I have started my Christmas list already. On it you will find a pair of TOMS, the last couple seasons of I Love Lucy, fuzzy slippers, the latest NCIS, a mac computer, and this:
I found some super cool/funny/interesting things while trolling about this evening:
1) Freerice.com. Go there.
2)This recipe, which I fully intend to try as soon as I am done here.
4) College Fashion - google it and go to the website, I love poking around there.
5) And this website - I was laughing out loud at some of them.
I went shopping at Maurice's today - is it just me or is there something awfully enticing about that place? They just luuuuure me in, with their lovely minty colors and gorgeous designs and 10 for 10 punch cards....and then suddenly I am left dazed on the pavement much poorer than I was.
Anyways, I bought a dress for the family wedding I have this weekend: super gorgeous, but it's cream, which is not a color my clumsy self typically wears, and it's a little shorter than I would usually wear. I'm excited though!
I also bought a couple sweaters, including one I would like to start living in, and a couple shirts as well as dress pants for work.
I saw a nifty Idea on a website today, and it was all about finding 60 things everyday that you have and want to have again - things within your power basically. So here's some of mine from today, to give you an idea:
1) Beautiful sunrise 2) Good cup of coffee 3) Awesome two-hour visit with a splendid old lady 4) Fabulous shopping trip 5) Wore a soft sweater
And so forth...basically it help you realize the value of your life, and the things in it that make it that way so you can replicate them. Told you it was nifty.
Final thought, promise: I am copying the writing on the side panel of my Maurice's bag because I just like it. So, from me and Maurice's to you:
"My bedroom closet is my sanctuary, my confessional, my runway. It is the place where with damp towel and fuzzy slippers, I transform into the woman I hope to be. The place I pretend to fire my boss, kiss my boyfriend, and play dress up. My closet is filled with low-rise jeans, a sweater that witnessed the first date with my fiance, a bikini I'm planning to fit into and the wrap I'm planning to cover it all up with. It's where I dress for brunches, beaches, boardrooms and bull-fights. (I'm not sure what one wears to a bullfight but it was a spread in a magazine once.) My closet is where I practice pirouettes, check the progress of my bangs, and tape my crumbling homecoming corsage, crinkled pictures of celebrities, and looks I love onto the full-length mirror. It's where I've vowed to someday marry against a slew of ugly bridesmaid dresses."
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
The sayings and doings of a happy world
Guess what? - life isn't as terrible as it sometimes seems when you're getting both checks rejected and your credit card is full so the Walmart person is putting your whole carefully, methodically, painstakingly, lovingly selected cartload of items back while you go cry of embarassment in the parking lot.
Life is actually a really pretty neat thing.
Life has things like going for walks in cool fall air.
Life has things like staring a little girl with big brown eyes and long brown hair straight in the eyes and saying,
"ok, repeat after me: God..." And having her say "...loves us!"...four times in a row.
Life is meeting another person in a similar situation as you, and having a good laugh over the awkward things that are part and parcel with being single and alone in church - the weekly "turn and greet your neighbor" fiasco that leaves you fidgeting madly with your bulletin...the not knowing where to put your eyeballs that is neutral and doesn't involve staring accidentally at anyone else...the moments where everyone who's gone to that church for a bajillion years breaks into laughter at a common church memory and you smile uncomfortably..all those joyous things.
Life is being told by someone you just met that someone else you barely know has "talked you up" to them...and pretending to be embarassed but really wanting to cheer.
Life is having the door opened for you.
Life is having to go into the little boys bathroom, sounding off at the top of your lungs that you're coming in and delivering half of your "this is not a playroom, wash your hands with soap and come out now" speech before you get in the door only to find a 3rd grade boy staring wide-eyed at you as he hastily zips his pants, surrounded by small children whipping water and pumping tree-size amounts of paper towels.
Life is finding a place to give back while knowing that you're the one who will really benefit.
Life is very, very good.
Life is actually a really pretty neat thing.
Life has things like going for walks in cool fall air.
Life has things like staring a little girl with big brown eyes and long brown hair straight in the eyes and saying,
"ok, repeat after me: God..." And having her say "...loves us!"...four times in a row.
Life is meeting another person in a similar situation as you, and having a good laugh over the awkward things that are part and parcel with being single and alone in church - the weekly "turn and greet your neighbor" fiasco that leaves you fidgeting madly with your bulletin...the not knowing where to put your eyeballs that is neutral and doesn't involve staring accidentally at anyone else...the moments where everyone who's gone to that church for a bajillion years breaks into laughter at a common church memory and you smile uncomfortably..all those joyous things.
Life is being told by someone you just met that someone else you barely know has "talked you up" to them...and pretending to be embarassed but really wanting to cheer.
Life is having the door opened for you.
Life is having to go into the little boys bathroom, sounding off at the top of your lungs that you're coming in and delivering half of your "this is not a playroom, wash your hands with soap and come out now" speech before you get in the door only to find a 3rd grade boy staring wide-eyed at you as he hastily zips his pants, surrounded by small children whipping water and pumping tree-size amounts of paper towels.
Life is finding a place to give back while knowing that you're the one who will really benefit.
Life is very, very good.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
a dollop of inspiration
Borrowed in part from an intel commercial:
The most amazing thing you will ever see, you haven't seen yet.
The most amazing thing you will ever see, you haven't seen yet.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
That thing that grabs on and won't let go
Writer's are all inspired by different things and have different reasons for writing. I once read somewhere or other that writers write to help themselves understand better - that writing is a way of exploring ideas or questions, an attempt at finding an answer.
One of the things that for some reason inspires me or makes me need to write to find an answer is the idea of a single event changing a life forever. Something big or something that seemed insignificant at the time, that was so powerful as to make someone's life unalterably different.
Usually when I think of that I'm thinking of something terrible. Let's face it, there's no story in the happy ever after - it's what leads up to it that makes it worth telling.
And, too, I guess I'm thinking of the things that go unspoken - family secrets, shame, things every single person on earth carries with them and never speaks aloud.
I hope I don't sound creepy, or dark and troubled, because most people really don't think of me that way, I promise! But these are the things that stick in my mind.
So here are two songs that I've heard, one for years and one just recently, that I just can't seem to get out of the back of my writing mind - I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to do with them, there's a concept there, a story waiting, but I can't seem to muster up the focus to bring them out and find the story in it. What do these songs say to you?
One of the things that for some reason inspires me or makes me need to write to find an answer is the idea of a single event changing a life forever. Something big or something that seemed insignificant at the time, that was so powerful as to make someone's life unalterably different.
Usually when I think of that I'm thinking of something terrible. Let's face it, there's no story in the happy ever after - it's what leads up to it that makes it worth telling.
And, too, I guess I'm thinking of the things that go unspoken - family secrets, shame, things every single person on earth carries with them and never speaks aloud.
I hope I don't sound creepy, or dark and troubled, because most people really don't think of me that way, I promise! But these are the things that stick in my mind.
So here are two songs that I've heard, one for years and one just recently, that I just can't seem to get out of the back of my writing mind - I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to do with them, there's a concept there, a story waiting, but I can't seem to muster up the focus to bring them out and find the story in it. What do these songs say to you?
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
just to whet your appetite
Mealtimes were really Nellie’s time to shine. And by mealtimes I mean, the period encompassing two hours before and two hours after every meal. About two hours before the meal she would start sitting in her chair, nose up and eyes down, reading her book with both ears open to pick up any gossip from the staff.
An hour before the meal she would begin to perch more attentively. When I set the table, it was never right, no matter what arrangement I made with her silverware be it knife on the right fork and spoon on the left, or fork on the outside right and knife on the inside with spoon on the left, or all three on one side or the other – Nellie always had to rearrange them. About 45 minutes before the meal, she would chirp,
“Why don’t you gimme my milk and water?”
“Well we’re not going to eat our meal for awhile still, we better wait so you can drink it with your food.”
“Oh.” Nellie would say, with a very large, single nod. A few minutes later,
“Why don’t you gimme my milk and water?”
It got to the point where, if I didn’t have any toileting to do or meds to give, I’d go sit on another wing and chat with the folks over there, just to hide from Nellie and her beverages.
As soon as I started taking the food out of the warmer and setting it on the counter to dish out, Nellie would start too.
“I’ll have small portions.”
“Ok Nellie, I remember.” I’d say. Such futility.
“Small portions for Nellie!” She’d say two minutes later.
“Yup I heard you, I’ll get you small portions Nellie.” I’d say again.
“Can you make sure I get small portions? I need small portions. I hope you gave me small portions…”
I’m sure you get the picture. What sweet relief when I handed her her plate of food!
She was rather particular though – if you hadn’t gotten that picture already – and each part of the meal had to be to her specifications. Small portions were a given, but her water glass had to be exactly three-quarters full, and her milk glass one-half. She had to have applesauce and not dessert, mainly because Hannah had applesauce instead of dessert. However if I did give her applesauce straight instead of giving her a dessert first and then having her reject it and demand applesauce, changes were 3 to 1 that she would ask for dessert instead.
She could have used the sugar.
One time I made the mistake of putting cheese on Nellie’s taco salad. Nellie, it would seem, did not eat cheese. So, I foolishly suggested that she remove it and put it to the side.
“You just take that away and give me a different one.”
“Well Nellie, you can just take the cheese off, just dump it to the side.” – as I carried three loaded plates across the room to other residents.
“Give me a different one, I can’t eat cheese, give me a salad with no cheese.”
It only took a few minutes for me to become wise to the fact that it would, indeed, be much faster and far less painful to just dump the entire thing and start fresh, cheeseless.
*******************************************************************
There was a woman who moved to my wing only a month or so before I left. Little Hillary tipped over in her chair and dozed off at all times and in all places. Nellie’s bossy old heart couldn’t stand this travesty against decency. From the moment Hillary joined us, Nellie was all over her –
“Why don’t you wake up and eat something? Why don’t you sit up straight? Why don’t you pay attention to your food?”
Oh yes. The joy of Nellie.
**********************************************************************
There is one Nellie-story that stands out clearly as far superior to the rest. It was in the evening, and Hannah and I were chatting at one of the natural-wood tables. She was repeating herself with joyful abandon, as usual, and I was enjoying myself testing out a different answer each time she asked the same question, just to see what other directions I could branch the conversation into. It was like one of those “choose your own adventure” books – verbally.
“Well you are a very nice girl, and I like you.”
“Thank you Hannah. I like you too.” I said with a smile. I patted her hand and got up, nearly plowing over Melanie. Melanie liked to wander back and forth all day long. She was nonverbal, and never ever toileted herself, but she was a great one for laughing. She was already laughing when I started talking with her, but I went ahead and asked her a few questions anyways, and she went ahead and giggled back.
“Bye Melanie. Bye-bye. Bye!”
Nellie wasn’t a fan of Melanie, for whatever reason. She was always shooing her away and usually I didn’t trouble myself about it since Melanie never noticed. But the day in mention I was in what you might call a mood, so I tossed an arm around Melanie’s shoulders and said,
“Nellie don’t be mean to my friend. Melanie is my friend and she’s here visiting me, and I am glad she is, so be nice to her.” I said. I was just turning back to Melanie, pleased as punch with the important lesson I had just imparted, when Nellie sat up as straight as her little hunched back would let her, tipped her nose up as usual and said,
“Well aren’t I your friend too?”
Monday, September 19, 2011
Hastily...
Hey friends: I've had such a lovely evening trolling blogs and listening to music and whatnot that I just had to share again:
First of all, this picture/words Made My Night. I love quotes, and I love words that are well-put-together, for lack of the correct term. This I got from Not Your Average Ordinary, who originally got it from the Bare Escentuals ad campaign. So Inspiring!
And, speaking of inspiration my three favorite songs at the moment are:
"My Own Little World" by Matthew West (hopefully these links work, if not, too bad for you you'll have to type it in yourself!)
"All in the Serve" by Michael W. Smith
and "Do Everything" by Steven Curtis Chapman - incidentally I think the video is a little silly for this one but the song is awesome, and the first video is spectacular due to both men being attractive, and the second video is mostly images from the movie which is absolutely on the must-see list of the universe. Just my opinions.
Anyways, now that I've probably burned my eyeballs out staring at my computer screen half the night (not to mention stuffing myself full of a delicious arroz con pollo dinner complete with garlic cheddar biscuits I made myself (with the assistance of my good friend Bisquick), I think I'll choose a movie or something, wash my dishes and work on my writing for a bit. Once again, happy evening all!
And, speaking of inspiration my three favorite songs at the moment are:
"My Own Little World" by Matthew West (hopefully these links work, if not, too bad for you you'll have to type it in yourself!)
"All in the Serve" by Michael W. Smith
and "Do Everything" by Steven Curtis Chapman - incidentally I think the video is a little silly for this one but the song is awesome, and the first video is spectacular due to both men being attractive, and the second video is mostly images from the movie which is absolutely on the must-see list of the universe. Just my opinions.
Anyways, now that I've probably burned my eyeballs out staring at my computer screen half the night (not to mention stuffing myself full of a delicious arroz con pollo dinner complete with garlic cheddar biscuits I made myself (with the assistance of my good friend Bisquick), I think I'll choose a movie or something, wash my dishes and work on my writing for a bit. Once again, happy evening all!
One of Those Lovely Things
Know what I like? Fall! and I am so happy it's here, and so incredibly happy that I got to spend about four hours of today out driving. Are the roads twisty, windy, crazily out of order and not the least bit like the city? yes. Was I utterly terrified of running over some poor little Amish family in their buggy, or plowing over a cow, or skidding off the road into a massive cornfield? yes. Was it absolutely beautiful, with the sun shining and the fields full of harvest and the trees just beginning to show their colors. Yes, yes, yes.
Also, I would just like you to know, that I started a book yesterday, and I am super excited about it. Not reading (Though I am reading one too obviously, because I'm never not - I'm reading Bleak House, mostly because I'm determined to, though it's been reasonably entertaining too) - I'm writing one. And it's different than my others, not a riproaring action filled plot to be found. It's about working with the elderly and my many hilarious, heart-breaking and life-changing memories of my three years as a staff member in an assisted living. It's hard writing it though, because real life often eludes the perfect phrase.
Oh, and that story I promised?? Not gonna happen till tomorrow. I got off work late and I am staaaarving to death. Love you friends :)
Also, I would just like you to know, that I started a book yesterday, and I am super excited about it. Not reading (Though I am reading one too obviously, because I'm never not - I'm reading Bleak House, mostly because I'm determined to, though it's been reasonably entertaining too) - I'm writing one. And it's different than my others, not a riproaring action filled plot to be found. It's about working with the elderly and my many hilarious, heart-breaking and life-changing memories of my three years as a staff member in an assisted living. It's hard writing it though, because real life often eludes the perfect phrase.
Oh, and that story I promised?? Not gonna happen till tomorrow. I got off work late and I am staaaarving to death. Love you friends :)
Sunday, September 18, 2011
This and That
Well I tried out a new Sunday School class today on the Armor of God, promises to be pretty great. And I finally did dishes, and cleared out my fridge - isn't it crazy how things sort of just drift to the back of the fridge until they take on otherworldy forms and you can't understand how they got so - well, like that! so fast?
I've been researching volunteer ideas in the area - there certainly aren't an abundance like there are in the cities, but hopefully I'll stumble across one or two that look alright.
Tell me, what do you like to do for volunteer work, or just to fill up your time if you've got any extra?
And what kinds of hobbies should I take up?
And, what should I have for dinner tomorrow?
ANNNNDDDD...stay tuned. tomorrow I will tell you a story. A tragic, traumatizing, terrible tale. Be here.
I've been researching volunteer ideas in the area - there certainly aren't an abundance like there are in the cities, but hopefully I'll stumble across one or two that look alright.
Tell me, what do you like to do for volunteer work, or just to fill up your time if you've got any extra?
And what kinds of hobbies should I take up?
And, what should I have for dinner tomorrow?
ANNNNDDDD...stay tuned. tomorrow I will tell you a story. A tragic, traumatizing, terrible tale. Be here.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
A Time for Speaking Honestly
Do you guys ever have those days where you just sort of envy the rest of the world, and all those people that have more interesting, lovely, engaging, exciting lives than you do?
Maybe it's just me.
Getting used to a new job is weird to be sure - and you know, it may not be what I want to do forever but I can certainly be thankful for the good experience it's giving me, and for the opportunity to BE employed and pay bills and have insurance and a million other things so many people are not able to have right now.
And my little apartment is certainly very nice now, with everything set up and the slightly crooked pictures I hung myself, and the little bits and things I brought from home and everything.
But doesn't it just seem like others have such cool things? Other people have beautiful decorating styles, and great fashion senses, and a knack for crafts or drawing; other people are going to Europe or getting married or having babies. The last two days I've just been seeing and/or hearing about so many other peoples so many other neat events and doings. It makes me pouty with jealousy (yes, this is something that can happen to you!).
I tend to go through bouts of thinking like that - episodes of the green-eyed monster you might say, and my thoughts towards others and their achievments or life events are certainly more charitable when I'm feeling that my life is going well too! But in the end all the silly and overstated sayings are true - life is about how you see things, the willful decision to love it and everything about it from the sunrise to curling up under your blankets at the end of the day.
I make daily choices (sometimes staying steadfast and sometimes straying just a touch) to be happy, to be content and joyful and stay focused on every little lovely thing.
Like the cool air moving into my apartment as I read my Bible by light of the rising sun.
Like going out for lunch with coworkers.
Like seeing a few more red leaves everyday on the tree by work.
Like having a job where I get to go out and not sit in an office all day.
Like having a wonderful coworker I can ask my millions of questions without feeling dumb or in the way.
Like making whatever I want for dinner with no one to complain but me!
Like my candle that smells like cinnamon and warm apple cider.
Like having a Dad that calls me every night.
Like having a hand, however small, in making Jesus important in the lives of little kids.
Like getting to wear scarves again.
Like going for rambles through the nearby neighborhoods and enjoying the sun on my face and the breeze in my hair.
Like feeling at peace.
What reasons will you find to love your life today?
Maybe it's just me.
Getting used to a new job is weird to be sure - and you know, it may not be what I want to do forever but I can certainly be thankful for the good experience it's giving me, and for the opportunity to BE employed and pay bills and have insurance and a million other things so many people are not able to have right now.
And my little apartment is certainly very nice now, with everything set up and the slightly crooked pictures I hung myself, and the little bits and things I brought from home and everything.
But doesn't it just seem like others have such cool things? Other people have beautiful decorating styles, and great fashion senses, and a knack for crafts or drawing; other people are going to Europe or getting married or having babies. The last two days I've just been seeing and/or hearing about so many other peoples so many other neat events and doings. It makes me pouty with jealousy (yes, this is something that can happen to you!).
I tend to go through bouts of thinking like that - episodes of the green-eyed monster you might say, and my thoughts towards others and their achievments or life events are certainly more charitable when I'm feeling that my life is going well too! But in the end all the silly and overstated sayings are true - life is about how you see things, the willful decision to love it and everything about it from the sunrise to curling up under your blankets at the end of the day.
I make daily choices (sometimes staying steadfast and sometimes straying just a touch) to be happy, to be content and joyful and stay focused on every little lovely thing.
Like the cool air moving into my apartment as I read my Bible by light of the rising sun.
Like going out for lunch with coworkers.
Like seeing a few more red leaves everyday on the tree by work.
Like having a job where I get to go out and not sit in an office all day.
Like having a wonderful coworker I can ask my millions of questions without feeling dumb or in the way.
Like making whatever I want for dinner with no one to complain but me!
Like my candle that smells like cinnamon and warm apple cider.
Like having a Dad that calls me every night.
Like having a hand, however small, in making Jesus important in the lives of little kids.
Like getting to wear scarves again.
Like going for rambles through the nearby neighborhoods and enjoying the sun on my face and the breeze in my hair.
Like feeling at peace.
What reasons will you find to love your life today?
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Thoughts Recently
1) Is there a point at which one has said "I just have one more question!" so many times that one simply falls over empty-brained?
2) If I watch just one more episode of this tv show (insert either Gidget or I Love Lucy) I bet my dreams will contain (insert either wild 70's music or black and white images).
3) To leave the dishes for tomorrow, or to not leave the dishes for tomorrow...
4) I had no idea one could wake up so early and lift weights every morning and still have such jiggly arms (jiggle jiggle)
5) If I go to Walmart one more time....
6) I looove my pink carnations and sweet pea pink candle, and who cares if they clash with my red couch!
7) Handsome young man...ooh another handsome young man...oh. another hick.
8) Reading the Anne books always makes my heart so happy
9) The battle of the dinner...can I really hold out for dinner while I cook it all, or should I snack now...or eat a small dinner now and a big snack later...or a big dinner later and a little-ish snack now...oh dear.
10) I wonder how the people living upstairs managed to get a small elephant into their apartment.
11) What a lovely day for a walk....I love walking, and I'm so glad tha-what is that monstrous hill doing there?!
12) coffee...coffee...COFFEE!!!!
13) Now that I've had family stay, and sweated to death, and been chilly, and cooked, and cleaned, and had a good cry in it....maybe this apartment feels just the tiniest bit like it could be home.
2) If I watch just one more episode of this tv show (insert either Gidget or I Love Lucy) I bet my dreams will contain (insert either wild 70's music or black and white images).
3) To leave the dishes for tomorrow, or to not leave the dishes for tomorrow...
4) I had no idea one could wake up so early and lift weights every morning and still have such jiggly arms (jiggle jiggle)
5) If I go to Walmart one more time....
6) I looove my pink carnations and sweet pea pink candle, and who cares if they clash with my red couch!
7) Handsome young man...ooh another handsome young man...oh. another hick.
8) Reading the Anne books always makes my heart so happy
9) The battle of the dinner...can I really hold out for dinner while I cook it all, or should I snack now...or eat a small dinner now and a big snack later...or a big dinner later and a little-ish snack now...oh dear.
10) I wonder how the people living upstairs managed to get a small elephant into their apartment.
11) What a lovely day for a walk....I love walking, and I'm so glad tha-what is that monstrous hill doing there?!
12) coffee...coffee...COFFEE!!!!
13) Now that I've had family stay, and sweated to death, and been chilly, and cooked, and cleaned, and had a good cry in it....maybe this apartment feels just the tiniest bit like it could be home.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Surprise!!
Well one of my MN friends popped over for the weekend and guess what - I don't own a cord for my camera because I don't need one! Surprise!
The card actually slides riiiight into the nifty little slot on the side. So there you go.
In honor of finding this nifty little slot, I thought I'd share tons of random and not super exciting pictures with you - too bad for you!
This post's pictures are going to be related to my cooking adventures of late:
So anyways, that's some cooking fun. I love cooking but I do it more on the weekends, because otherwise by the time I cook a meal from scratch on a weeknight I'm starving to death and ready to pass out before I can eat it!
so, there's that. Got any delicious recipes to share with me - not terribly complicated ones?? :) Have a great weekend friends!
The card actually slides riiiight into the nifty little slot on the side. So there you go.
In honor of finding this nifty little slot, I thought I'd share tons of random and not super exciting pictures with you - too bad for you!
This post's pictures are going to be related to my cooking adventures of late:
 |
| First dinner alone in the apartment |
 |
| Me and Lucy having dinner in front of the tv - on the floor no less, since my couch was stranded at Slumberland for a week! |
 |
| mmmm homemade Mexican |
 |
| Best dinner ever. I was starving to death and it was like a gift of Heaven dropped down to me |
so, there's that. Got any delicious recipes to share with me - not terribly complicated ones?? :) Have a great weekend friends!
Monday, August 29, 2011
Hedging My Bets
Well friends, today I really wished I had taken a picture with me in the car! There was a heavy morning fog which was a horror to drive through, but utterly lovely too, stretched out over the cornfields and little iconic farmhouses and infused with beams of sunlight - very gorgeous indeed.
I took a risk, though, that made the drive rather less enjoyable than it could have been: it's called the "I still have a quarter-tank-ish of gas, I should be able to make-it-ish to the main office and back" game. It's a decent game in the city, but not so much of a game in the country where the nearest gas station might be visible among the distant corn stalks but literally inaccessible due to those same distant corn stalks. I'm starting to develop a thing about corn.
I'm also developing a definite thing about that evil known as "paperwork". Signing up for health, dental, vision, and life insurance as well as flex spending, retirement plans, income continuation, and all those whats-em thingamajigs they try to get you into is not quite a party. I will be soooo delighted when it's all done! Any ways, I just thought I'd whine a bit to you about life and all that. Me, I need to hop into my nice comfy bed and get some sleep, my vibrant personality is much more lovely in moonlight than dim dawn.
Tomorrow I promise to post about something more fascinating than my latest new-job woes - if only I had a connector cord for my camera I could show you my latest culinary and decorating exploits but alas, I don't even own one. But I'll think of something! For real!
I took a risk, though, that made the drive rather less enjoyable than it could have been: it's called the "I still have a quarter-tank-ish of gas, I should be able to make-it-ish to the main office and back" game. It's a decent game in the city, but not so much of a game in the country where the nearest gas station might be visible among the distant corn stalks but literally inaccessible due to those same distant corn stalks. I'm starting to develop a thing about corn.
I'm also developing a definite thing about that evil known as "paperwork". Signing up for health, dental, vision, and life insurance as well as flex spending, retirement plans, income continuation, and all those whats-em thingamajigs they try to get you into is not quite a party. I will be soooo delighted when it's all done! Any ways, I just thought I'd whine a bit to you about life and all that. Me, I need to hop into my nice comfy bed and get some sleep, my vibrant personality is much more lovely in moonlight than dim dawn.
Tomorrow I promise to post about something more fascinating than my latest new-job woes - if only I had a connector cord for my camera I could show you my latest culinary and decorating exploits but alas, I don't even own one. But I'll think of something! For real!
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Feeling Silence
Church today was awesome! The sermon was given by one of the church's missionaries to Mexico and was a really great reminder about focusing on God, instead of on my goals and hopes and ideas about what this new life here will look like. Also, a cute guy said hello to me in the parking lot. What more could you ask for from a Sunday morning?
It is still really very warm here, and since I am a cheapskate I have been refraining from running the one air conditioner in my apartment, but today I gave in: it's been running all day, and I'm thiiiiiis close to turning on a second fan. Thank goodness for the orange dreamsicle bars in the freezer :)
As I may have mentioned, it's very quiet here! I come from a big family with lots of noise and talking and fighting and laughing and cooking and typing and practicing of instruments and singing of songs and tvs going and radios blaring and housework being done...and now it's me. The sound of only two hands typing. One fan blowing. And..that's it. It's so quiet that I hear the elevator running from beyond my bedroom wall. So quiet the sound of ice falling startles me out of my wits. So quiet I had to give up chewing my gum because I could hear it, and it was of annoyance.
I'm not good at dealing with silence. I associate silence with anger and dislike - most of my family is only quiet when they are upset. I associate silence with being alone, away from the fun and apart from whatever lively good thing is happening.
So, my mission for the next few days is to appreciate silence if I can. Not saying I won't be filling most of my waking moments with music or television or stories on cd, but I will make a conscious effort to leave about 30 minutes of the day quiet, and see what happens. So far it seems that silence brings awareness of yourself - there's nothing drowning out the sound of your actions, the noise of your thoughts and breathing. Whether this should be called introspection or self-centeredness, I haven't quite determined.
Thoughts on silence? Do you love it or hate it? What does silence teach you?
It is still really very warm here, and since I am a cheapskate I have been refraining from running the one air conditioner in my apartment, but today I gave in: it's been running all day, and I'm thiiiiiis close to turning on a second fan. Thank goodness for the orange dreamsicle bars in the freezer :)
As I may have mentioned, it's very quiet here! I come from a big family with lots of noise and talking and fighting and laughing and cooking and typing and practicing of instruments and singing of songs and tvs going and radios blaring and housework being done...and now it's me. The sound of only two hands typing. One fan blowing. And..that's it. It's so quiet that I hear the elevator running from beyond my bedroom wall. So quiet the sound of ice falling startles me out of my wits. So quiet I had to give up chewing my gum because I could hear it, and it was of annoyance.
I'm not good at dealing with silence. I associate silence with anger and dislike - most of my family is only quiet when they are upset. I associate silence with being alone, away from the fun and apart from whatever lively good thing is happening.
So, my mission for the next few days is to appreciate silence if I can. Not saying I won't be filling most of my waking moments with music or television or stories on cd, but I will make a conscious effort to leave about 30 minutes of the day quiet, and see what happens. So far it seems that silence brings awareness of yourself - there's nothing drowning out the sound of your actions, the noise of your thoughts and breathing. Whether this should be called introspection or self-centeredness, I haven't quite determined.
Thoughts on silence? Do you love it or hate it? What does silence teach you?
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Settling In
Well friends here I am, settled-ish into my new, very spacious, never-been-lived-in-before, apartment. I've spent thousands of dollars in the last week buying things for the place, paying the security deposit and rent, filling up on groceries, and setting up utilities and so forth. Whoever taught the lesson on how much moving out can cost skipped my high school apparently! My dad called my decorating style "Early Poverty". Fabulous.
I cooked my first meal on my own in the new place - my dad and sister stayed for a few days to help me get settled and he did the cooking, but this time it was up to me and I was kind of proud of the results...I've never cooked fish before, but it was delicious!
I'm actually thinking of taking a few cooking classes around here - once I have some money again! They have a few at a local bakery that look pretty fun and interesting, and I could meet some people there. I also might start volunteering with the local library and/or theatre association - just depends on how exhausted I am once I actually start at the new job. It's funny though - with all the stress of moving I'm not even worried about the job, I'm too busy trying to get life figured I guess!
Well, back to settling for me, but answer me this while I'm gone: Should I volunteer at the church on Wednesday nights with a children's program, or should I take a creative writing class at the local community college? Answer away in the comments below!
I cooked my first meal on my own in the new place - my dad and sister stayed for a few days to help me get settled and he did the cooking, but this time it was up to me and I was kind of proud of the results...I've never cooked fish before, but it was delicious!
I'm actually thinking of taking a few cooking classes around here - once I have some money again! They have a few at a local bakery that look pretty fun and interesting, and I could meet some people there. I also might start volunteering with the local library and/or theatre association - just depends on how exhausted I am once I actually start at the new job. It's funny though - with all the stress of moving I'm not even worried about the job, I'm too busy trying to get life figured I guess!
Well, back to settling for me, but answer me this while I'm gone: Should I volunteer at the church on Wednesday nights with a children's program, or should I take a creative writing class at the local community college? Answer away in the comments below!
Friday, August 19, 2011
Welcome, Welcome
Welcome, old friends and new friends :) So, this is the new blog - what do you think? I kind of like it myself - obviously! Anyways, this is where I will be regaling you with tales of my moving adventures and with creating a new life, for the first time all on my own. I can't promise I'll be real regular with my updates, for sure not until I have actually found a place to live, gotten settled in, and started at the new job. But I'll do my best, and hopefully we'll have fun together!
Well, that's it I guess. Just a short note to get us started. Thanks for following me into this new adventure - talk to you soon :)
-J
Well, that's it I guess. Just a short note to get us started. Thanks for following me into this new adventure - talk to you soon :)
-J
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